You fall asleep that night with dreams of double dates and long hangouts in the waning summer light dancing through your head. The fear of rejection is the reason a lot of people eschew dating completely, preferring to limit their interactions to encounters that require less emotional commitment and effort. “It’s not you, it’s me” is a terrible thing to hear; it’s cliched, it’s unclear, and most of all, it is a shitty deflection technique, deployed by people who aren’t brave enough to admit what the real problem is. Sure, some weirdo you met on the internet kissed you once or twice or maybe three times, took you out to a couple of weird bars and that one movie neither of you liked, and then at the end of the whole thing, decided that he wasn’t into it. Yeah, the feeling sucks, but it’s also not the worst thing in the world, and it should not stop you from being the successful and happy dating butterfly you’re meant to be.A few more dates go by, each one better than the first, and you can’t help it, but you’ve already started to form an attachment against your better judgement. Rejection is the risk you take when you put yourself out into the world, and it’s a big one. If someone tells you that they “aren’t ready for a relationship,” you have two choices: Whine about how that’s bullshit, or accept the fact that hey, maybe they’re telling the truth. Process the rejection, but also use it as an opportunity to look closer at what you really want. If you’ve run into a string of bad luck in your dating life, it’s natural to want to put on your comfiest sweatshirt and attempt to slowly disappear into the embrace of your sofa, a pint of ice cream in your hands, but don’t stay there too long.
They want someone under 5’2”, someone who skis, someone without kids, someone who lives closer, etc.
These things have absolutely nothing to do with who you are or even what you look like.
“I have so many dates on OK Cupid that I hardly know what to do with myself,” says another friend, tugging on a strand of hair as she scrolls through her inbox.
“If you just put yourself out there, you’ll find somebody.
As a dating coach, I’ve found the #1 reason you won’t have success with online dating is giving up too soon.
What you perceive as online rejection can exhaust you mentally and the positive attitude you started out with will quickly dwindle.
You’ll be the ones turning them away,” yet another friend assures you, with great seriousness.
“They’re all waiting for you to show up.” Emboldened by these testimonials, maybe you find someone, or something, that just works for you. He is intelligent, and asks all the right questions about your career.
I essentially built walls to protect myself from another heartbreak.
Last fall I decided that it's OK for me to move on and try to find someone to love again. I have tried a couple of different sites and even casually dated someone for a couple of months before he told me he basically wasn't that into me.
How do I maintain a positive outlook in the face of rejection? I am prepared to be old and alone, but it would be awfully nice to have someone to share my life with.